Were Not Married!

Plot

When elderly Mr. Bush (Victor Moore) is appointed justice of the peace, he starts marrying couples on Christmas Eve. However, his appointment takes effect on the first of January. Later, this issue becomes known when one of the six couples he married files for divorce. To avoid a bigger scandal, the remaining five couples are informed that they are not really married. The film then shows how the other couples react to the news

Steve (Fred Allen) and Ramona Gladwyn (Ginger Rogers) are a husband-and-wife radio team whose on-air loving behavior on their show "Breakfast with the Glad Gladwyns" conceals the fact that they cannot stand each other. However, they do not want to lose their large salaries. When they arrive outside the marriage license bureau, they encounter a happy couple leaving. The sight makes Steve reconsider his relationship with Ramona, then she does too.

The second couple is Jeff (David Wayne) and Annabel (Marilyn Monroe) Norris. Annabel has just won the "Mrs. Mississippi" pageant. Jeff is fed up with taking care of their child, while Annabel and her manager Duffy (James Gleason) are out preparing to compete for the title of "Mrs. America". Jeff is delighted at the prospect of getting Annabel back when he learns they are not married. He sees to it that she loses her title, but in the end is pleased when his now-fiancée wins the "Miss Mississippi" contest.

Bush remembers Hector (Paul Douglas) and Katie Woodruff (Eve Arden) talking constantly, but they have now run out of things to say to each other. When Hector gets the letter from Bush, he imagines seeing all his gorgeous girlfriends again, then burns the letter before Katie sees it.

Kind millionaire Freddie Melrose (Louis Calhern) is married to a young gold-digger named Eve (Zsa Zsa Gabor). When Freddie goes on a business trip, she agrees to meet him at his hotel, but instead sets him up. Another woman shows up instead, followed shortly afterward by three men who witness his fake adultery. Eve and her attorney, Stone (Paul Stewart), inform Freddie that while Eve is entitled by law to half his assets in a divorce, they want much more, threatening him with criminal charges. Bush's letter arrives just in time to save him.

Young soldier Wilson "Willie" Fisher (Eddie Bracken) is about to be shipped out to Hawaii and the "Asiatic-Pacific Theater". At the train station, his wife Patsy (Mitzi Gaynor) arrives late and just has time to tell him she is pregnant before his train leaves. He is unable to tell her that they are not married. He sends her a telegram, urging her to meet him at the port. There, he goes AWOL in order to try to marry her, while dodging two MPs. However, he is caught and thrown in the brig, and his ship sets sail. Fortunately, a military chaplain notices an upset Patsy and manages to extract the story from her. He then arranges for her and Willie to get married by radio.

According to Turner Classic Movies, there were originally supposed to be seven couples. A sixth segment, starring Hope Emerson and Walter Brennan as an Ozark backwoods couple, was actually filmed, according to the July 25, 1952 The Hollywood Reporter, but was dropped for an unknown reason.

Reception

Bosley Crowther, critic for The New York Times, wrote that "it must be said for Mr. Johnson and Mr. Goulding that they cut their capers well and came forth with a tailored entertainment that is one of the snappiest of the year." Crowther's favorite segment involved the one couple who did not remarry.