Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

Summary

The film is presented as a "real life" story, with W. C. Fields, Franklin Pangborn, and Gloria Jean playing themselves.

At Hollywood's Esoteric Pictures studios, Fields is seen admiring a billboard advertising his previous film, The Bank Dick, and encounters various hecklers and minor calamities. His doting niece, Gloria Jean, is on her way to rehearse some songs at the studio, where she demonstrates her classically trained soprano. Fields himself is also there to pitch a script to Franklin Pangborn.

Fields and Pangborn plow through the script, which comes to life in a series of scenes: Fields and Gloria Jean are flying to an exotic location on an airplane (a mix of a Martin M-130-type and a Stratoliner) with an apparently open-air rear observation deck. Fields has run-ins with a couple of eccentric characters in which he tangles with a large, angry man in the lower berth and manages to hit him with a mallet and convince him that someone else did it. At one point Gloria Jean asks Uncle Bill why he never married, and he answers, "I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for." The next day, Fields jumps out of the plane after his flask falls out the open window, and his niece cries out in horror. But he lands safely in a "nest" high atop a cliff, a home populated by a beautiful, young, naive girl (Susan Miller) and her cynical mother (Margaret Dumont). Meanwhile, the plane lands, and Gloria Jean sings a traditional Russian song to a group of peasants. She reunites with Fields in the village, and they return to the "nest" when Fields learns the older woman is wealthy. Fields is about to marry her when Gloria Jean takes him aside and convinces him that this is a bad idea, and they make a swift exit.

At this point Pangborn has had enough of the crazy script and tells Fields to leave the studio. Fields goes to an ice cream parlor to drown his sorrows. In a rare aside to the camera, Fields remarks, "This scene is supposed to be in a saloon, but the censor cut it out!"

At the studio, when Gloria Jean learns Fields has been sent away, she tells the flustered Pangborn that if her uncle is fired, then she quits. She and Fields make plans to travel, and she goes into a shop to buy some new clothes. Fields is illegally parked and had also banged into the bumper of a police car. Just then, a middle-aged woman (Kay Deslys) asks for help getting to the Maternity Hospital, where her daughter is about to give birth. Fields volunteers, the woman gets into his car, and Fields speeds through the streets and expressways of Los Angeles, where he tangles with pedestrians, cars, and a hook-and-ladder fire truck. When his passenger passes out, Fields drives even more urgently. He arrives at the hospital, wrecking his car in the process, and his passenger is shaken but unhurt. Gloria Jean, who has just arrived by taxi, asks Uncle Bill if he's all right. He replies, "Lucky I didn't have an accident. I'd never gotten here." Gloria Jean smiles and says to the audience, "My Uncle Bill... but I still love him!"

Cast

Uncredited cast members:

Songs

Gloria Jean sings the following songs in this film:

Critical reception

Upon release, The New York Times said, "We are not yet quite sure that this latest opus is even a movie—no such harum-scarum collection of song, slapstick and thumbnail sketches has defied dramatic law in recent history. We are more certain that at its worst the film is extravagantly bad, no less that William Claude is wonderful," further stating, "Yes, some parts of the film you will find incomprehensibly silly. Probably you also will laugh your head off."