Murder Is No Joke

Plot summary

Alec Gallant was a member of the French Resistance during World War II and at that time married another member, Bianca. After the war, he learned that his wife and her two brothers had been traitors to the Resistance. He murdered both men, but Bianca escaped him.

Gallant came to the United States in 1945 and rejoined his sister Flora, who had immigrated from France several years earlier. Gallant became a highly regarded couturier (as Wolfe later terms him, "an illustrious dressmaker") with a studio employing several staff, including Flora. A successful Broadway actress, Sarah Yare, is a valued customer, one who is well liked by all of Gallant's employees.

Into this happy mix comes Bianca. She has changed her surname to Voss and insinuated herself into Gallant's operation, making decisions about company strategy, apparently with Gallant's approval. Gallant has kept information about his past with Bianca to himself, hiding it not only from the staff but also from sister Flora. Everyone at Alec Gallant Incorporated is mystified that Gallant is putting up with Bianca's odd and counterproductive decisions, particularly because she seems to have no formal title or position at the company.

Fearing for her brother's career, Flora calls at Nero Wolfe's office and asks him to investigate the situation. She has only $100 to pay Wolfe's fee, but she says that her brother would be grateful to be rid of Miss Voss, and he is a generous man. Wolfe points out, though, that it's not Mr. Gallant who would be hiring him. Flora suggests that they phone Bianca, and invite her to Wolfe's office where he can ask questions of her, and then, "We shall see." In reporting this exchange, Archie Goodwin claims that it is Flora's choice of phrasing, instead of an informal "We'll see" or "We will see," that moves Wolfe to acquiesce.

Flora uses Archie's phone to call Miss Voss, and gives Archie the handset as Wolfe picks up his own phone. After identifying himself to Miss Voss, Wolfe becomes the target of a string of insults hurled by Miss Voss – "You are scum, I know, in your stinking sewer." – and then both Wolfe and Archie hear a thud, a groan, a crash, and a dead phone line.

Archie calls Gallant's offices back, and asks for Miss Voss. Archie and Wolfe learn that Miss Voss has just been found dead in her office. When they inform Flora, she seems stunned, and hurries from the office.

Later, discussing the situation with Inspector Cramer, Wolfe agrees it's very neat that Wolfe and Archie were on the phone with Miss Voss just as she was being assaulted, and thus can fix the time of the attack within a minute or two. That makes it difficult, because everyone at Gallant's studio has a strong alibi for that time.

The next day, Archie is summoned to the District Attorney's office to go over his statement once again. When he returns to the brownstone, he is astonished to see that Wolfe has exerted himself to the point of getting the phone book from Archie's desk and taking it to his own. Wolfe has no explanation of the phone book for Archie, but he does have instructions.

Cast of characters

Nero Wolfe — The private investigator

Archie Goodwin — Wolfe's assistant, and the narrator of all Wolfe stories

Alec Gallant — Couturier

Flora Gallant — His sister

Bianca Voss — Murder victim

Carl Drew — Gallant's business manager

Anita Prince — Fitter

Emmy Thorne — In charge of promotions

Sarah Yare — Broadway actress and Gallant client

Inspector Cramer and Sergeant Stebbins— Representing Manhattan Homicide

"Murder is No Joke"

1958, The Saturday Evening Post, June 21 + June 28 + July 5, 1958 (expanded as "Frame-Up for Murder")

1961, The Delights of Detection, ed. by Jacques Barzun, New York: Criterion Books, 1961

1964, Three Times Three: Mystery Omnibus (volume three), ed. by Howard Haycraft and John Beecroft, New York: Doubleday, 1964

1970, Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine, November 1970

1978, Ellery Queen's Anthology, Spring–Summer 1978

1978, Ellery Queen's Masks of Mystery, New York: Davis Publications, 1978, hardcover

And Four to Go

1958, New York: The Viking Press, April 29, 1958, hardcover

Contents include "Christmas Party", "Easter Parade", "Fourth of July Picnic" and "Murder Is No Joke" In his limited-edition pamphlet, Collecting Mystery Fiction #10, Rex Stout's Nero Wolfe Part II, Otto Penzler describes the first edition of And Four to Go: "Blue cloth, front cover and spine printed with red; rear cover blank. Issued in a mainly brick red dust wrapper." In April 2006, Firsts: The Book Collector's Magazine estimated that the first edition of And Four to Go had a value of between $200 and $350. The estimate is for a copy in very good to fine condition in a like dustjacket.

1958, New York: Viking (Mystery Guild), August 1958, hardcover. In the printing of "Easter Parade," a page presenting black-and-white versions of the four Look magazine photographs is placed between pages 96 and 97.

The far less valuable Viking book club edition may be distinguished from the first edition in three ways:

1959, London: Collins Crime Club, May 25, 1959, hardcover (as Crime and Again)

1959, New York: Bantam #A-2016, November 1959, paperback

1962, London: Fontana #629, 1962 (as Crime and Again)

1992, New York: Bantam Crime Line ISBN 0-553-24985-1 December 1992, paperback, Rex Stout Library edition with introduction by Jane Haddam

1997, Newport Beach, California: Books on Tape, Inc. ISBN 0-7366-4059-2 October 31, 1997, audio cassette (unabridged, read by Michael Prichard)

2010, New York: Bantam Crimeline ISBN 978-0-307-75569-8 July 21, 2010, e-book

Nero Wolfe (CBC Radio)

"Murder Is No Joke" was adapted as the final episode of the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation's 13-part radio series Nero Wolfe (1982), starring Mavor Moore as Nero Wolfe, Don Francks as Archie Goodwin, and Cec Linder as Inspector Cramer. Written and directed by Toronto actor and producer Ron Hartmann, the hour-long adaptation aired on CBC Stereo April 10, 1982.