You May Not Kiss the Bride

Plot

The unassuming pet photographer, Bryan Lighthouse (Dave Annable) is thrown into a serious action and romance adventure when he's forced to marry Masha Nikitin (Katharine McPhee) to pay a debt to her criminal parents against his will. Masha's father Vlatko (aka Vadik) (Ken Davitian) marries her to Bryan to get her a green card, under the condition that Bryan cannot touch her. Off to spend their honeymoon at a remote tropical resort somewhere in Tahiti, Masha's boyfriend Brick (Vinnie Jones), who is in love with her (although she does not return the feeling), follows them.

After Masha catches Bryan dancing with a hotel waitress, she storms off, as it is hinted she hates womanizers. Feeling bad, the waitress Lani (Tia Carrere) suggests Bryan take Masha on a romantic outing, to a secret beach encased by a tropical rainforest to make it up to her. While teasing Bryan at the secret cove, Masha flees into the rainforest and is kidnapped.

Bryan searches for Masha back at the hotel, unaware she has been kidnapped. He then finds that his psychotic assistant, Tonya (Mena Suvari), who is in love with him, has tracked him down to the resort. Tonya has brought condoms and tries to have sex with him. After Bryan informs her that he does not want to have sex with her, Tonya agrees to help find Masha, but tells him that she will one day force him to have sex with her, after trying to have sex with him one more time.

After receiving a call from Masha's kidnappers demanding a ransom, Bryan asks Lani for help. While Bryan, Lani, and Tonya are making plans, Brick storms in and Lani and Tonya escape off the balcony, leaving Bryan to face Brick's wrath. When Brick finds a condom Tonya had brought on the unmade, wrecked bed, he assumes that Bryan had attempted to take Masha's virginity and hits him. Bryan barely escapes, while Brick calls Masha's father back in the USA and informs him of Masha's kidnapping, making it sound as if Bryan had been the kidnapper. Meanwhile, the kidnappers turn out to be two American INS agents Agent Meyers (Howard Bishop) and Agent Ross (Kevin Dunn).

Afterwards Brick tells Masha's father Vlatko about the condom and Bryan's supposed attempt to have sex with Masha, Vlatko becomes enraged and prepares to fly to the island. Lani calls her cousin, Ernesto (Rob Schneider) to help find Masha with his helicopter. A chase scene occurs between Brick and the four heroes (Bryan, Lani, Tonya, and Ernesto) and ends with the group making a hasty escape in Ernesto's helicopter, only to later crash-land by a fishing village. Deciding to rest on a beach at the edge of the village, Ernesto and Tonya kiss passionately, unconcerned of Masha's dire condition, and Lani and Bryan storm off in anger. Alone, Ernesto and Tonya almost have sex in a boat in the grass, but Brick soon shows up and knocks them out, revealing that Brick is in on the kidnapping. Separated, Lani and Bryan obliviously go in separate directions. Masha escapes her prison in a surfboard shack and finds Bryan, who is crazily driving a jeep stolen from Brick after he tried to kill Bryan. Bryan and Masha crash the jeep, which erupts into flames, and make an escape on foot.

Finding a canoe on a river, they outrun the three culprits and find a friendly welcoming old-time village. After eating a huge dinner and dancing and having fun, Masha and Bryan have sex for the first time. The next morning, they awake to a cheering village. However, during breakfast the two agents and Brick find the village. Brick and the lovers battle on a steep ocean cliff. Just as Brick is ready to kill Bryan, Lani and Ernesto show up in the helicopter, catching Brick off guard. Masha, using the distraction, grabs Brick's gun and shoots him in the back: he falls off the cliff, taking Bryan with him. Masha is in shock, terrified with the thought that she killed Bryan too. Bryan appears in the waves, unharmed, and they are reunited with Masha's family.

Vlatko gives Bryan his blessing to marry Masha for real, but he declines despite his feelings for her.

Masha, heartbroken, continues her old life taking dance lessons. One day, unable to concentrate on the dance routine she was practicing, Marsha leaves the dance studio to find Bryan outside ready to propose to her as he changed his mind. As the crowd around them applauds, the film ends with the camera panning away from the couple as they kiss.

Cast

Production

The movie was filmed in Hawaii in early 2009. The production budget was $6 million. Hawaii Film Partners was the production company. Rob Hedden directed from his original screenplay.

Release

The film was set to debut September 2, 2011 in one theater in Hawaii (as the film company Hawaii Film Partners is Hawaii-based) in a very limited US release and then open overseas in Russia, Romania, Hungary, Canada, and Latin America.

On September 2, 2011, Consolidated Theaters announced that the film did not end up debuting in that one Hawaii theater as it was picked up by a yet-to-be-announced distributor and could get a wider US release later in 2011.

Variety reported on November 1 that the SC Group was shopping the film at the American Film Market, with a screening held on November 3 in Santa Monica, California.

The movie was finally released theatrically in the US in late 2012, premiering in Hawaii on August 29, 2012 and opened on the mainland in several markets, including Chicago and Los Angeles, as well as Video On Demand, iTunes, and Amazon, on September 21, 2012. Since Hawaii Film Partners had trouble getting the film distributed due to its small budget and its stars not being major movie stars, HFP formed Hawaii Film Partners Distribution and distributed the movie themselves.

The movie was set to be released to theaters internationally in 20 countries in the Fall of 2012.

The DVD was released on February 5, 2013 in the United States.

Music

Most of the songs used in the movie are by Hawaiian musicians. One of the songs, "Beautiful Stranger", was co-written by star McPhee and producers David and Shauna Jackson. The soundtrack is now available on iTunes.