As letters became more and more popular as a means of communication, guides sprang up accordingly about just how one was to write a letter, what was proper, and what was out of the question. Many Victorian conventions shine through the guides, and are a valuable way of understanding certain tensions in nineteenth century England, such as a certain "artful artlessness" that came about as the result of the urge to speak from the heart, but never more than was proper.
Contents
Physical concerns
A letter’s physical appearance, in addition to content, was a key concern for letter-writing guides. For men, they advocated as plain paper as could be made available, and for women a light spritz of perfume was sometimes acceptable. Other sources, however, disagreed, and suggested high outward ornamentation such as ribbons, flowery drawings, and interesting colors could be used by females, but part of this may have been the date of the guide, as vogue changed by the decade. Earlier in the century, ribbons were very popular, but fashion changed to heavy cream paper in the 1880s and then monogrammed letterheads by the end of the nineteenth century. The manner of sealing the letter also changed over the course of the years. Originally it had been wax wafers and dried gum, but as time went on colored wax became more prevalent, the use of which was dictated by social conventions. Black wax was always associated with mourning, but red wax was to be used in letters between men, particularly those dealing with business, and letters from men to women. Women were free to use a range of colors, no matter the correspondent. Even ink was hotly debated; though all sides agreed on bold black ink, blue was sometimes suggested as an alternative, and all other colors shunned, though most letter-writing guides acknowledged that they had once been in fashion.
Contradictions
Letter writing guides simultaneously advised writing with absolute feeling and being cautious about saying too much, or saying the wrong things, regardless of whether or not these wrong things had real feeling behind them. Many guides cautioned that anyone could read your letters and thereby make inferences about you, even if those who you corresponded with assured you that they burnt your epistles.
Matrimonial Letters
The caution about appearance in letters was doubly stressed in matrimonial letters, even as women and men were encouraged to still write from the heart. Men were warned against complimenting their chosen bride too heavily, as it seemed insincere; rather, their moral traits and the feminine virtue of indifference were set as prime subjects to appreciate in a marriage proposal. Women, meanwhile, were urged not to be too unguarded in their letters, even in the acceptance of a proposal, to only thank and address the man’s moral qualities. Love letters did not end in ‘love,’ but more frequently simply as ‘ever your friend.’