Things (film)

Plot

A husband with a fanatical desire but inability to father children is driven to force his wife to undergo a dangerous experiment. This results in hatching a non-human life form in his wife's womb, and the birth of a multitude of "things."

Cast

Production

With a budget between $35,000 and $40,000, the film was shot on both super 8 and 16mm film. Andrew Jordan figured the movie would not get any publicity if the true budget were announced, so he convinced Barry J. Gillis to go along with the lie that the movie was shot for $350,000. It wasn't until recent years that Gillis and Jordan began revealing the true budget.

Things reputedly pays homage to several horror icons and films, such as George A. Romero and his feature film Night of the Living Dead, by having the film play on a television screen in the background while porn queen Amber Lynn talks about the case. Romero fought in the courts to instate copyright on Night of the Living Dead, which had been put into the public domain on a technicality.

When one of the characters finds an old tape recorder, clicking "play" blasts weird chants and dialogue through the recorder's speaker, the scene ostensibly evokes the 16mm feature film The Evil Dead. The original Last House on the Left is mentioned by name by one of the players.

Release

Things was originally released straight to VHS video in September 1989.

It was re-released 19 years later by Intervision on DVD in August 2008 and shown at the Rue Morgue Festival of Fear in Toronto, Canada. The DVD contains extras, such as audio commentary by Director Andrew Jordon, stars Barry J. Gillis, Doug Bunston, Jan W. Pachul and Victoria Elizabeth Turnbull (Gillis’s daughter); unused footage; Gillis messing with vocal effects; film outtakes; and behind-the-scenes footage.

On November 1, 2009, Things was screened at the South African Horrorfest in Cape Town, South Africa. On March 20, 2009, Things was classified as a restricted movie by the Ontario Film Review Board.

Intervision Pictures released Things on DVD in 2011.

Reception

According to Oddity Cinema, Ed Brisson, director of the horror film Graveyard, felt that Things should head the list of "so bad it's good".

Severed Cinema, noting the near-20 year anniversary of the film's re-release, opines that "Things is the work of a genius, or a madman." It writes that "a new generation of horror fans and people who have been desperately seeking this glistening turd for years can now experience this infamous abomination".

Critic Online details the various other-film references and writes that Things "is definitely one of the worst atrocities ever committed to film". The critic adds, "Yet, it's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen too!"

Obscure Horror marks the film as being bad with a "...jumbled mess of visuals, plot veins, and cheesy effects", and grants that what "makes the film watchable and a treat to behold, is the dialogue." The review states that "the actor's [sic] interactions with each other are quite funny", pointing out the "news reporter's acting" as "so brutal...you will fall off your chair laughing at it".

Oh The Horror states simply that "Things is bad. Really really bad." The review states that "Everything that sucks about shitty movies is here in one 84 minute package", but grants that it's worth it: "To get the full effect of Things you need two things: a group of friends and enough beers to kill your kidneys. Only then can you see the greatness of Things and laugh yourself silly". They panned the lighting, the audio, and the music, writing "Things is the epitome of bad Canadian horror", and concluded that the film "earns it's [sic] place as the Worst Canadian Horror Film Ever Made and definitely defines what a cult movie really is".

The Video Graveyard found the film "awful" and "delightful" at the same time, writing "no doubt about it, this is possibly the worst horror film ever made. So pathetic you wonder if the filmmakers weren't aware they were making this piece of cinematic shit during filming, but it's the perfect 'so bad, it's good' film for lovers of bad cinema." In the 2005 "wishlist" of DVDs they'd like to see made, the publication's critic closed "with a what’s got to be the worst movie I’ve ever seen. A movie so bad that you can’t help but love it - yes, I’m taking about 1989’s Things".

Cinema Sewer magazine has repeatedly proclaimed that "this is the worst movie ever made." Robin Bougie, its founder and editor, wrote "I don’t mean ["bad"] like the way Troma makes bad movies. I’m talking about bad with the best of intentions, like all of the best "bad" movies. You like tormenting yourself with hilariously trashy, moronic, gory, idiotic bad films?? Things is the fucking king of bad movies. This is the movie you put on when you have a get together of pals — and just blow them away. Trust me, you have never seen anything like this in your life. It’s absolutely astonishing in how it is able to mentally wreck anyone who watches it."

RedLetterMedia covered Things in an episode of Half in the Bag; during the discussion Jay Bauman stated that Things was "probably one of the worst movies ever made", to which Mike Stoklasa replied "I would remove 'probably'."

Jeff Kirschner of Dread Central named it the worst movie ever made.

Additional reading