"Hot Pocket-Dial" is the seventh episode of the fourteenth season of the animated sitcom Family Guy, and the 256th episode overall. It aired on Fox in the United States on November 22, 2015, and is written by Aaron Lee and directed by Steve Robertson.
After the Griffin family dines out at a fancy steakhouse, Peter Griffin's experience with a toothpick changes him into a stereotypical tough guy. When he accidentally swallows it, he has to return to the steakhouse for another. But when he sees an old woman use one, his need ends. There, Peter and Lois run into Glenn Quagmire and his transgendered father Ida, where they receive an invitation to join them. Lois' charm gets to Quagmire and he later admits to Ida that he has a crush on her. But when Peter and Lois return home, Peter checks his phone and finds that Quagmire accidentally called during his talk with Ida and he overhears him talking about his love for her.
Peter shares his story with Brian. Although Peter is told by Brian that he may be making too big a deal out of it, Peter is convinced that Quagmire is determined to take Lois away. Brian encourages him to keep it to himself.
At the barbecue that is attended by Quagmire, the Swansons, and the Browns, Peter finds it difficult to control his jealously of Quagmire loving Lois. Quagmire's innocent conversation causes him to confront him in front of everyone. Quagmire is upset about his private conversation being made public and they fight until Peter orders the picnic over causing everyone to take their leave.
Days later, Peter still can't get over Quagmire's love for Lois. Lois is amused by Quagmire's feelings. Peter admits that he is afraid of losing her, but Lois reassures him that she's not leaving him. Peter refuses to follow her advice to be friends again as he feels Quagmire should be punished.
Lois and Quagmire later bump into each other at the store. Despite Lois' attempt to work out the issues between the pair, Quagmire is embarrassed about his feelings being public so he decides to move from the neighborhood.
At the Drunken Clam, Peter, Cleveland, and Joe find it hard to converse without Quagmire's input. Joe then brings up an egg dish that he had last night and doesn't have the recipe for it. At home, Peter mopes around the house. When Lois tries to perk him up, he snaps at her until she decides to hunt down Quagmire and force the two of them to face each other. At Quagmire's apartment, Peter and Lois arrive at the time when Cleveland and Joe were visiting. After a visit from Quagmire's neighbor General Zod, who tells Quagmire that he is blocking his "trapezoid-shaped thing," Lois was able to get Peter and Quagmire to reconcile.
Sometime later at The Drunken Clam, Quagmire tells Peter, Cleveland, and Joe that he was able to get his house back by "suspending escrow." Joe then says, "Hey, guys, you know that egg dish I was talking about? Turns out that was just a dream I had."
The episode received an audience of 3.37 million, making it the third-most watched show on Fox that night behind Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The Simpsons episode, "Lisa with an 'S'".