Cartman Joins NAMBLA

Plot

Cartman decides he is too mature to hang out with Stan, Kyle, and Kenny after Cartman disapproves of poor couples (like Kenny's parents) having more children, so he starts to look for older male friends in an Internet chat room. He stumbles upon the topic "Men Who Like Young Boys" and talks to some eager men whom Cartman believes want to be friends with him. In reality, they are actually Internet predators who prey on young boys.

Meanwhile, Mrs. McCormick is trying to have another baby. Kenny does not like the idea, knowing that his parents will pay more attention to their baby instead of Kenny, his friends will stop hanging out with him and he will have bad luck for the rest of his days once the baby sees the light of day as he has nightmares about it, so he continually tries to prevent the baby's conception, all which results in misfortune at Mr. McCormick's expense. First, Kenny hurls a fastball at his father's crotch during a game of catch, shattering his left testicle.

Cartman meets a pedophile who goes by the Internet handle Tony316 at Mel's Diner. Much to Cartman's anger, he ends up arrested for soliciting sex from a minor. The next day, Cartman goes to meet a "Mr. Hammerhead," who, to Cartman's surprise, turns out to be Mr. Garrison, who is also arrested. Cartman naïvely concludes that Stan and Kenny are behind his new "mature" friends getting arrested.

Despite Kenny's first effort, his mother gets pregnant anyway. Kenny adds morning-after pills to a chocolate milk/vodka cocktail and gives it to Mrs. McCormick, but she refuses to drink because of her pregnancy. Instead his father drinks it and as a result rushes to the bathroom where he repeatedly vomits and defecates. Later, Kenny convinces his family to go with him to North Park Funland to ride The John Denver Experience, a violent ride not recommended for pregnant women. However, Kenny's father gets hurt and ends up vomiting, defecating, and, now, draining his bloody nose into a garbage can. Having enough of this, an enraged Kenny chases Mrs. McCormick through the town with a plunger, hoping to plunge the fetus out of her. Upon seeing this, Mr. McCormick angrily chases after Kenny to stop him from hurting his mother and their unborn child.

Cartman goes to see Dr. Mephesto about where he might find mature friends. Dr. Mephesto advises Cartman to join an organization known as NAMBLA, saying "you look about right." However, the NAMBLA that Dr. Mephesto is referring to is a fictional club for men who look like Marlon Brando (the North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes). Cartman finds the North American Man/Boy Love Association, asks to join, and is made their poster boy. The organization decides to hold a banquet in Cartman's honor and asks him to invite all the boys in town. Cartman does so, with the exception of Stan and Kyle.

Federal officials, having learned that NAMBLA is meeting in South Park, raid the venue. However, they discover that they have raided the wrong NAMBLA meeting, that of Dr. Mephesto's group. The FBI teams up with the Marlon Brando look-alikes and rushes to stop the other NAMBLA's banquet.

At the NAMBLA banquet, all the boys in town, including Stan and Kyle, who were also invited, are in attendance. The boys are unaware of what is in store for them until the pedophiles take them to their hotel rooms, after which the boys run screaming into the halls. The Marlon Brando look-alikes and the federal officials arrive at the hotel, and a madcap chase with the boys, both NAMBLAs, and the feds ensues. Kenny, still chasing after his mother and now being chased by his father, joins in. Cartman decides that Butters should be the sacrificial lamb for the pedophiles to have their way with. While Butters is sent into an empty room and leaves unharmed, Mr. McCormick enters a dark room to search for Kenny, only to find the NAMBLA pedophiles who gang-rape him.

In the end, all of the North American Man/Boy Love Association members are arrested by the FBI. The leader of NAMBLA tries to weasel his way out of jailtime by equating pedophilia with being an oppressed minority, but Stan and Kyle retort at this, by stating that, while they believe in tolerance and equality for all, pedophiles are criminals who hurt young people and should be treated as such. As the pedophiles are taken away to custody, Cartman backhandedly apologizes to his friends (including Butters) for almost getting them raped, assuring that they will "blossom into maturity" someday.

The raped Mr. McCormick is loaded into an ambulance, which accidentally goes in reverse and runs over Kenny. Afterwards, Mrs. McCormick gives birth to an identical child they name Kenny, which she says has happened 52 times before. The French music (Page d'écriture by Yves Montand) that was played during the hallway scene is played during the closing credits.

Production

"Cartman Joins NAMBLA" was written by series co-founders Trey Parker and Matt Stone, was directed by Eric Stough, and was rated TV-MA in the United States and 15 in the United Kingdom.