Captain Hans Geering is a fictional character from the British sitcom series 'Allo 'Allo!. He was played by actor Sam Kelly.
Geering is Colonel Kurt Von Strohm's assistant and usually comes with him to the café. (Although not stated on screen, the screenplay says Geering is Strohm's brother-in-law.) His rank is that of Captain, which is equal to Hauptmann in the Wehrmacht. The rank is denoted by two gilt stars, and the white band around the epaulette gives his arm of service as infantry. In the first episode, however, his uniform is that of a lieutenant, one rank junior to Captain, although he is still referred to as a Captain. Geering likes to fool around with the waitress Maria Recamier – while Strohm prefers Yvette Carte-Blanche – of which he partakes preferentially with egg whisk and/or wet celery for which it is not uncommon to pay extra.
In Episode 2, Geering and Strohm get their uniforms stolen by René to help the British Airmen. They are forced to hide in the waitresses' bedroom. Geering, twice in the series, mentions he is married and has children, although he cheats on his wife. Geering once mentioned that he was born in Berlin, but was smuggled out in a suitcase by his mother, to prevent his father discovering that he existed, which caused him to develop claustrophobia.
Geering develops the habit of greeting other officers with the abbreviated line "-tler" (for "Heil Hitler"). Geering often heralded the Führer by saying "-tler!" instead of the full salute, when said incredibly fast, sounded clop", it was humorous because if there was a whole group of Nazis, there would be several "Heil Hitlers" followed in the background by a "clop". He also seems to easily slip into Anti-German thinking as on more than one occasion after learning of something bad another German has done or Germans have done in general he will exclaim "German swine!" In an episode where Geering and Von Strohm must retrieve a painting, Geering hits a German guard over the head, knocking him unconscious. Von Strohm is mortified, saying, "Hans, you're knocking out our own people!" to which Geering replies, "It was a good shot, wasn't it?"
In the opening episode of Series 4, René, Edith, the waitresses, Strohm, the British Airmen and Geering are trying to escape a prisoner-of-war camp (Stalag Luft IV, although that camp is actually in Poland). Geering is used for the first test of their escape mechanism, a wooden see-saw. After René jumps from the roof of a hut onto one end, Geering is propelled from the other over the fence, where Communist Resistance girls pick him up and disappear into the woods.
It emerges (via a radio conversation in the following episode) that Geering was mistaken for a British airman by the Communist Resistance and sent to Britain, where he is now voluntarily working for British Intelligence.
In series 7, René and Yvette are planning to make their way to England in an aeroplane, originally destined for the British airmen. However, it is Edith that accidentally goes with René. They land in London, and Winston Churchill requests their presence. However, they are taken to Intelligence first. Seeing that they are not the airmen, the Intelligence boss calls his interpreter, Captain Hans Geering. However, upon entering the room, he doesn't seem to have got rid of the habit of raising his hand and greeting them with a loud 'tler!'. When alone with René and Edith, he explains how he became an English citizen and an ally (as he revealed in "The Great Unescape", he was sent to school in Coventry). He also reveals that he found out, while working with the Intelligence, that René is the Resistance activist known as Nighthawk.
Geering, a naturalised British citizen, speaks English with an upper-class, "old-chap" British accent. It is revealed that he knew how to speak English even back in Nouvion. (Ironically enough, despite its phonetic similarity to "Göring," Geering is actually an English surname). He takes René and Edith to some important places in London. By night, René and Edith return home.