The Martian Star Gazers

The Martian Star-Gazers is a humorous parody article first published in Galaxy Science Fiction magazine in February 1962. It was written by Frederik Pohl and published under the pseudonym "Ernst Mason".

The article is written from the point of view of an anthropologist studying the extinct culture of Mars. Among the artifacts discovered by explorers from Earth were many items that resembled umbrellas.

The writer explains that this was due to the Martian interpretation of the Milky Way and related constellations of their southern sky, which was visible from the places where their civilization arose. They came to believe that one constellation was a malevolent being they called "Old Grabby" and that the visible portion of the galaxy represented his hands and arms. The Southern Cross represented a manacle on one wrist, and the other hand was trying to reach across and break the manacle. When this happened, they believed, Old Grabby would descend and destroy them.

The superstition became so strong that Martians carried umbrellas to shield themselves from the sky. In time their civilization moved north to a point where Old Grabby was no longer visible, and they ceased to carry the umbrellas. However they could not help but notice the resemblance of the constellation Cassiopeia to the mouth of Old Grabby. Martians had a cleft jaw which gave their mouths a characteristic "W" shape which they naturally transferred to their mythical beings.

Unfortunately, centuries before human explorers arrived the supernova known as Tycho's Star occurred just above Cassiopeia, looking to Martians like an opened eye. From their point of view, Old Grabby or a relative had found them, and they were doomed. Effectively their entire culture committed suicide.