Directed by Bob Spiers Original air date 3 February 1995 | Produced by Jon Plowman | |
Episode no. Series Three
Episode 005 Written by Ade Edmondson & Rik Mayall | ||
"Finger" is the fifth episode of the third series of British television sitcom, Bottom. It was first broadcast on 3 February 1995.
Synopsis
Richie and Eddie return to their flat after a cricket match, and Richie is unhappy that Eddie, who was umpiring the match from the bar in the clubhouse, gave him out off of what should have been a no ball: Welsh cricketer "Cannonball" Taffy O'Jones had bowled a beamer at Richie's head, causing him to collapse unconscious into his stumps. As the two discuss the finer points of cricket, Eddie reveals that the match was a "stag cricket match" for O'Jones, who was getting married that afternoon to a woman who looks like Ted Rogers and that the opportunity to knock Richie unconscious was a wedding present.
Meanwhile, in his capacity as umpire, Eddie has stolen a wide array of hats, jumpers and (due to a particularly wild party afterwards) trousers from the other players, and they find O'Jones' car keys. Richie wants to use them for unambitious pranks, and the two find O'Jones' car parked outside the church where O'Jones is getting married. Richie attempts to move the car around the corner so O'Jones can't find it, but his inability to drive means he and Eddie accidentally ram-raid the local off-licence (where Eddie takes cans of beer) and speed off into the countryside. While searching the car's glove compartment, Eddie finds the O'Jones' honeymoon reservation at a hotel in glamorous (by their standards) Wolverhampton, and the two decide to steal the honeymoon as well.
Richie and Eddie turn up at the hotel, and Eddie is dressed up as a woman who goes by the name of Edwina in order to fool the hotel staff into thinking they are the newlywed O'Jones couple. Because the hotel is full and they cannot get two separate rooms, Richie and Eddie violently argue over who gets to sleep in the room's bed. Eddie wins the argument, but Richie gives Eddie one last kick in the "bollocks" which causes Eddie to pass out.
Richie drags the unconscious Eddie to their room, where he insults the bellhop who brought up their luggage and refuses to give him a tip. Richie then tries to seduce a hotel maid who has arrived with the couple's complimentary honeymoon biscuits. Richie tries to talk the maid into getting naked and taking a shower, only to have a revived Eddie punch him out. Eddie himself then tries to seduce the maid, who responds by kicking Eddie in the testicles again.
Richie and Eddie later head to the hotel's restaurant, only to fall down a flight a stairs on the way to the hotel lobby. Eddie meanwhile takes every opportunity possible to make a scene and force Richie to behave chivalrously. While in the restaurant, Richie manages to clear out the dining room after performing a horrible Leonard Rossiter impression. Later, Eddie goes to the women's restroom and mistakes the sink for a urinal. He then tries to seduce another female patron who has entered the restroom, telling her that he is a lesbian - only to receive another (off-screen) kick to the testicles. After the two run up a huge drinks bill at dinner, one of the hotel's male waiters takes a fancy to Eddie. For some reason (possibly intoxication) Eddie is keen, and Richie becomes jealous, and challenges the waiter to a fistfight. The fight is called off when an enraged Taffy O'Jones tracks the boys down, and (from offscreen) throws cricket balls at Richie's and Eddie's faces.