Are Ye Right There Michael is a song by the 19th-century and early 20th-century Irish composer and musician Percy French, parodying the state of the West Clare Railway system in rural County Clare. Because of a slow train and the decision of the driver to stop for no apparent reason, French, though having left Sligo in the early morning, arrived so late for an 8pm recital that the audience had left. The ballad caused considerable embarrassment for the rail company, which was mocked in music halls throughout Ireland and Britain because of the song. It led to an unsuccessful libel action against French.
It is said that when French arrived late for the libel hearing, the judge chided him on his lateness. French reportedly responded "Your honour, I traveled by the West Clare Railway", resulting in the case being thrown out.
Lyrics
Are Ye Right There Michaelby Percy French (1902)You may talk of Columbus's sailingAcross the Atlantical SeaBut he never tried to go railingFrom Ennis as far as KilkeeYou run for the train in the morningThe excursion train starting at eightYou're there when the clock gives the warnin'And there for an hour you'll waitAnd as you're waiting in the trainYou'll hear the guard sing this refrain:Are ye right there, Michael, are ye right?Do you think that we'll be there before the night?Ye've been so long in startin'That ye couldn't say for certainStill ye might now, MichaelSo ye might!They find out where the engine's been hidingAnd it drags you to sweet CorofinSays the guard: "Back her down on the sidingThere's a goods from Kilrush coming in."Perhaps it comes in two hoursPerhaps it breaks down on the way"If it does," says the guard, "by the powersWe're here for the rest of the day!"And while you sit and curse your luckThe train backs down into a truck.Are ye right there, Michael, are ye right?Have ye got the parcel there for Mrs White?Ye haven't, oh begorraSay it's comin' down tomorraAnd well it might now, MichaelSo it mightAt Lahinch the sea shines like a jewelWith joy you are ready to shoutWhen the stoker cries out: "There's no fuelAnd the fire's tee-totally out!But hand up that bit of a log thereI'll soon have ye out of the fixThere's fine clamp of turf in the bog thereAnd the rest go a-gatherin' sticks."And while you're breakin' bits of treesYou hear some wise remarks like these:"Are ye right there, Michael? Are ye right?Do ye think that you can get the fire to light?Oh, an hour you'll requireFor the turf it might be drierWell it might now, MichaelSo it might."A popular sung version by Brendan O'Dowda adds the following lyrics which may or may not have been part of the original:
Kilkee! Oh you never get near it!You're in luck if the train brings you backFor the permanent way is so queerIt spends most of its time off the track.Uphill the old engine is climbin'While the passengers push with a willYou're in luck when you reach EnnistymonFor all the way home is downhill.And as you're wobblin' through the darkyou hear the guard make this remark:"Are you right there, Michael, are ye right?Do you think that you'll be home before it's light?""Tis all dependin' whetherThe old engine holds together—And it might now, Michael, so it might! (so it might),And it might, now, Michael, so it might."